Testimony of a Prisoner

Christian Testimony of Darren Simpson

Darren 2005
[Now released from prison]

One of the earliest memories that I have of my childhood is when I was about 10 years of age, the house that I was living in at the time with my mother and two brothers, was raided by the police. I remember them going into the bathroom and removing a gun that was hidden in the wall. As I was at such a delicate age I didn’t really have an understanding of what was going on or whom the gun actually belonged to. There are numerous times that experiences like this have plagued my childhood – I think that it was very much typical of the area that we lived in.

These early years of my life were lived in this house that was in the middle of a very poor council estate in the city of Leeds. I would say that there were quite a lot of very traumatic events that shaped my early years. One recollection that I have is my older brother hitting my mother with a hammer on Christmas day and then proceeding to throw the Christmas lunch all over the house, as you can imagine it totally spoiled the day for the family. I am not able to remember any particular Christmas that was a happy occasion for me when I was a child. I suppose that due to the financially deprived area that we lived in, it was always a struggle to provide the amount of presents that society (and often us the children) deemed appropriate to celebrate the Christmas holiday.

At this time there was no father figure around to help and support my family, so my mother had to pretty much cope on her own. At the time also she was unemployed so that made it all the more difficult for her.

At the time I was in quite a lot of trouble at school and was constantly facing suspensions, expulsions and such events as having to have numerous meetings with school psychologists. The reason behind this was due to the fact that I was a very violent person even at this young age and this was something that would follow me for the better part of my life. One such instance at school was where I stabbed another pupil (with a pair of scissors) which ended up in me being expelled, and sent to a school that was solely for pupils with behavioural difficulties.

There was great concern around this move, one of the primary concerns was that the level of education wasn’t up to the same standards. The role of this school was more one of a supervisory one – it was often said before this move that I would do well at school. As when I wasn’t acting the goat I showed very good academic skills in most of the lessons.

When I was moved to this school at the time it was a big joke to me. What it was actually doing was placing me in an environment that was filled with people that had much the same attitudes as I had myself. This was the way that I became involved with the wider criminal fraternity and as such made some associates that would be with me for a very long time.

We used to play truant from school and do things like going stealing out of shops and generally acting loutish. This got me involved in active criminality. As such I had always been around crime but had never really been apart of it. The area that I lived was generally full of people that were always buying or selling stolen goods.

Once I started to get involved in this crime it wasn’t much longer until I received my first prison sentence – after already spending some time in the custody of children’s homes. When I first arrived at prison (15 years of age) I reacted to it pretty much the same way that I had reacted to things throughout my life – violently.

The way that I looked at it was that if I was to carry on this way I would have to do it on my own terms. I certainly don’t want to go on about the varying degrees of violent behaviour that I have reached in and out of the prison environment. What I do want to do though is give a brief account of myself throughout these years, just as a basis to show where I have come from.

I remember on numerous occasions that I have been in prison and I have attacked officers and inmates. This has often manifested itself in various ways – stabbings, beatings with table legs, even to the extent of taking another prisoner hostage for nearly two days. There was never any real excuse for the violence that I showed towards others over the years.

When things like this are done, the inmate (me) would be placed in the segregation unit – this is total removal from the normal prison environment. This is seen as both a punishment and serves to protect other prisoners from those that are deemed as violent or control problems.

Prison has changed quite a bit since those days, but at the time when you was in the segregation block it would not be unusual to be placed on a punishment called ‘cellular confinement’ that in effect would totally remove all your privileges for a stipulated period of time. When this was the case the only book that you would be allowed to have in the cell would be a Bible.

This book has always held a deep fascination to me and I would often be found in the punishment block reading from it. At the time though it was more a case of trying to understand it so that I could disprove it to those people that held it dear. One other thing that I would like to mention is that when an inmate is in the punishment block – the regular visitors that you have daily to check on the prisoner’s welfare include a member from the chaplaincy department. With the attitude that I had at that time it used to cause me immense pleasure to learn certain parts of Scripture to use against such people.

Under the surface though, there was quite a large thing happening to me, I was reading God’s Word daily and unbeknown to me it was to come back and hit me straight in the face when I least expected it. I believe that from these troubled times the Word was being planted in be and that he was watering it, in all knowledge that it would come to the surface at some later point in my life.

Leaping forward a number of years to 2001, I was arrested for a burglary and theft from jewellers. I received from the courts a sentence for 4 years imprisonment. When I got this it did come as a little shock, but not too much as it was certainly something that I was used to. I have actually served about 10 years in total in prison custody – which is out of the last 15 years. So, rather than it becoming a second home to me, it had become my first home and the free world seemed a novelty to me.

Anyway I came into prison and thought that would carry on much the same as I had over previous sentences – fighting, totally against authority etc. What really hit home to me the degree of my plight was the fact that I used to look around at some of the older prisoners and think that I was becoming exactly the same as them. I am now 30 years of age and I can imagine that the younger lads are now coming into prison and looking at me and thinking that I hope I don’t end up like him.

I had become exactly what I hadn’t wanted to be. Or at least that was the image that I got of myself. And probably those around me would look on me with disdain, or even as a lost cause. Someone that would be in prison for the rest of their life.

I was still reading the Bible as I have always found it to be very interesting and I was speaking to a varying number of groups that used to have some sort of faith or belief system – all of these were not necessarily of the Christian kind.

Also on this sentence after coming to the realisation above, I decided that I would actually get a job and try and improve the skills that I already have in computers. There is a prison that is one of only two in the country, which run a Web-Design Company from inside the prison. I applied to get transferred there and didn’t really expect to be granted a place. I thought that my prison record would rule me out.

Contrary to what I thought though, they were willing to give me a chance and I was duly transferred to the Wolds prison in Yorkshire. One of the huge bonuses of this prison was that it enabled the lads who worked on the web-design venture to have free access to the Internet. Again this is only one of two prisons in the country that allow you this privilege.

Whilst I greatly enjoyed this, I used to go on some of the Religious message boards and see what was going on out there. What I found initially did little to help me as it was all just a huge mess that was practically indecipherable. I didn’t realise it at the time but I had a real desire to be released from the life I had. I just didn’t know how this was going to happen or indeed even why it should happen. I can probably say at this point I had no conviction of sin rather that I just wanted to have a better life for myself, for selfish reasons.

I contacted all manner of people, Muslims, Pagans, Buddhists, Catholics as well as others and I suppose that in their own way a lot of these people seemed to be happy in what they had. I tried to fit in with them and it just didn’t work for me. I didn’t want to fit in; I actually wanted something better than what they had. I wanted to have a real living relationship with something that could really help me. At the time I just didn’t know what or who this was.

While I was in this situation I was repeatedly drawn back to the Bible and I started praying. And the expression that I have used before – for want of a better way of explaining it – is real get down on your hands and knees “Lord, help me!” prayer. I think at this very moment the Lord gave me conviction of sin and it was then that I knew that I was a hopeless sinner and that I needed some sort of redemption.

I was also praying that I be introduced to someone that a clear idea of what they believed and on the Internet the Lord (Christ Jesus) sent my way a good Bible based believer. This was a direct answer to prayer and at the time I probably wasn’t able to fully comprehend it. All I do know is that the Lord really spoke to me through the words of this man and the various other people that were introduced to me along the way.

I certainly won’t say that my conversion was overnight, rather it was a gradual stripping away process of the old me, to reveal the new man that Christ Himself had brought out in me. But the Christian faith is all about a process, a stripping down and building up if you like.

Shortly after this, I was severely tested by being attacked by another inmate and in the past the normal way that I would react to this affront would be to stab or in anyway attack this guy. But instead I thanked God that I was given this opportunity to know that the change that He brought about in me was real. Also to some degree it enhanced the witness that I was giving, as people that had known me for any length of time would have expected me to retaliate against this bloke – this didn’t happen and I am sure that it amazed quite a number of people. Thus giving me the opportunity to tell them what had been going on with me.

I am still in prison at the moment having only a very small time left until I am released. I have been with Christ now for a total of 2 years and the changes that He has brought about in me continue to surprise and amaze me. All the people around me are not able to accept where the change has come from.

It is often difficult to be a Christian in the prison system, as there is a distinct lack of real fellowship and even firm Biblical teaching. One thing that I am confident in though is that the Lord continues to sanctify me daily, and where I have tried to improve my own standing (and failed) He succeeds.

The blood that was shed for me on the cross at Calvary is victorious every time, and I have learned o trust in Him who shed His blood so that I can be cleansed from my sins.

It is quite sad when I look around me and see that there is so much religious confusion and even perversion of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. We see the Church being plagued today by all types of weird doctrines that would have been severely rebuked by the Lord. As a society that is becoming ever tolerant of liberalism, the greater circles of the Christian faith are inclining towards a tolerant attitude of most things – this no doubt is the way that we are headed until the eventual return of our Lord.

Me, I don’t know what to make of all of this, all I do know is that I want no part of it. I earnestly desire the Lord to continue to open my eyes to the infallible Truth that is contained in His Scripture – and that I don’t forget to keep my eyes firmly on Him.

As I reach the stage of finishing this prison sentence – I know that going into the world, as this new creation will be hard for me. It has already served to ostracise certain of my family and friends. Though the Lord continues to build up the firm group of Christian friends that I have, in effect ensuring that I am not without fellowship in the prison setting and that when I am released shortly, that I will not feel as if I am alienated in the hostile environment. It is imperative that I learn to trust on the Lord more and more.

Everything that I do now I have to trust to the Lord Jesus Christ as I know that when I start to try to do things on my own back, then I am doomed to failure. I have tried so many times to succeed on my own steam, and failed time after time.

The victory in Christ Jesus has already been won on the cross at Calvary and with this victory comes perfect understanding that with Him with me – He will not let me fail.

It is a wonderful promise that we have in Christ:

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  [Philippians 4:13]